The Return of the FanFic Critic
(Immediately, we cut to Susan (The FanFic Critic’s cousin) looking through a box of old photos. The camera zooms in on a particular one of the FFC smiling. Not a crazy smile, but a happy one. Susan picks it up and sighs) Susan: It’s been two years now… (We then cut to a series of flashbacks showing clips of the FFC’s show. The last one is a still-frame of the FFC with her razor up to her neck. Indicating that she died from suicide. Cut back to Susan still looking at the photo) ???: What’s that you’ve got there? (Susan jumps and turns around, only to find Lesbian Jesus) Susan: I hate it when you do this. LJ: You human beings are quite interesting. Why should I miss out on the fun? But back to my question; what do you have there? Susan: Nothing, it’s just a photo. (LJ uses her powers to swipe the photo of the FFC from Susan’s hands and into her own. She stares at the photo and frowns) LJ: Well, isn’t that tragic? Susan: Don’t act like you don’t know that you are one of the reasons she’s gone! LJ: Hmm? What do you mean by that? Susan: You sent her links to horrible fanfics, especially her last one! And you also destroyed the Dragon Balls so no one could bring her back! You have no one to blame but yourself! LJ: Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it! (Having enough, Susan pulled out the Phase Pistol and attempted to shoot her, but she used her powers to shield herself from the blast) LJ: Come now, do you honestly think that can do anything to bring her back? (Susan aims the Phase Pistol again, but then a cartoony-looking lightbulb appears over her head) Susan: Alright, I guess you’re just weak! (LJ looks at Susan, slightly agitated) LJ: Really? Do think insulting a goddess can- Susan: You heard me! Weak! LJ: Honestly, are this naive? What must I do to prove that I’m not weak? Susan: Alright, I say we have a little contest. You find someone powerful, and you fight them. If you win, then I’ll believe you’re strong. LJ: And if I lose? Susan: You bring back the FanFic Critic. (LJ closes her eyes in deep thought. After a while, she opens them again) LJ: Alright, you’ve got a deal! (Susan and LJ shake hands before the latter warps away. Cut to LJ in the clouds) LJ: Someone strong? Who would-? ???: Godamn it! (LJ perks up at the voice. She summons a large mirror. Instead of her reflection, she sees the G-man playing some game on the Wii) G-man: That’s like the fifth time I died! (LJ makes the mirror vanish and places a hand on her chin) LJ: That human, something about him seems off… I need to collect more information on him. (LJ creates a ball of light in her hands, and she molds into the shape of Tattletail. And with a snap of her fingers, it turns into Tattletail) LJ: Now, my creation, figure out what makes the G-man so powerful! Tattletail: Yes, master! (We fade to black and a time card pops up) Card: Many weeks later… (After the card fades, we cut to where the We Are Number One countdown left off: The G-man and LJ staring each other down) G-man: What do you want? LJ: I’m here to explain. You see, that sword you have is called the Rift Blade. I gave it to you because I thought you needed the help with Mama. I sent her out to test if you were the one, and you are. G-man: “The one”? What are you talking about?! LJ: Let me show you… (LJ grabs the G-man’s shoulder and they both vanish in a flash of light. Cut to the G-man and LJ in a cloudy arena with multiple angels and Susan as the audience) G-man: What in the-!? Where are we? (LJ says nothing as she teleports the G-man to the bleachers next to Susan) Susan: Who are you? G-man: I’m the G-man, but think our names are the least of my worries. What’s going on here?! Susan: Yeah… I kind of made a deal… You’re going to fight her. G-man: Are you kidding me?! I might die! Susan: Well it’s to revive my cousin, and- G-man: All of this is for your cousin? Susan: Look, just let me explain! (Before Susan can get another word out, LJ teleports the G-man to the centre of the arena) LJ: Alright, give it your all! (She forms a ball of light in her hands) Let’s go! G-man: Oh, crap… (LJ throws the ball of light at the G-man, but he cuts it in half with the Rift Blade. Slightly angered by this, LJ throws multiple balls of light at him. The G-man dodges and slices through some of them, but gets hit on the last one) LJ: Aww! Tired already? (Enraged, the G-man thrusts the Rift Blade in front of him in an attempt to use its special power, but to no avail. He tries this three more times before he gets struck by another ball of light) G-man: Will you cut that out?! LJ: Is that the best you have? You humans are so weak! (Yelling, the G-man rushes towards LJ and swings the Rift Blade at her. Unfortunately, she teleports behind him and kicks his back. Making him fall over) LJ: I’ve got you now! (LJ begins to approach the G-man. Cut back to Susan in the stands) Susan: No… Not today! (Susan pulls out the Phase Pistol and fires it at LJ. The camera follows the beam all the way to LJ, and it strikes her in the back. She screams and falls over) Susan: G-man, now! (The G-man gets back up and attempts to stab LJ in the back, but she rolls away before it can even touch her. The G-man attempts to pull the Rift Blade out of the ground, but fails. LJ grabs the G-man by his shirt collar and throws him to the ground. Cut back to Susan looking on, horrified. She then runs out of the stands and onto the arena to confront LJ and the G-man) Susan: Hey, you! (LJ turns around and gasps as Susan pulls out the Phase Pistol. She fires, but LJ lets go of the G-man to block it while using her powers) Susan: Aren’t you forgetting someone? LJ: What do you-? (LJ is interrupted by the G-man swinging the Rift Blade at her. Making her fall to the ground. The G-man thrusts the Rift Blade towards her, and this time, it uses its special power. Almost obliterating LJ) G-man: What’s the matter? Had enough already? LJ: You don’t know what kind power that blade holds… Susan: What the hell are you talking about?! LJ: The Rift Blade holds lots of power, but there’s a secret function where if you control your strength into it, it acts as a beam that’s powerful than any tank you humans have. But it looks like you win. Congratulations! As a promise, I’ll return the FanFic Critic. Farewell… (LJ screams as a bright light envelops her. Suddenly, everything goes white. Cut to a first-person shot of the G-man opening his eyes and getting up. Revealing that he’s in the FFC and Susan’s house. Cut to an above shot of the room with Susan waking up as well) G-man: Wh-What happened? Did I win? Susan: Call me crazy, but I think you did! (Suddenly, there’s a bright light that blinds Susan and the G-man. When it fades, they both gasp. The FFC is there standing with her eyes closed and a tape recorder taped to her waist. She opens her eyes and gasps when she sees Susan) FFC: Susan? Susan: Meg! (The two cousins slowly walk towards each other before hugging) FFC: What happened? Am I dead? Susan: No, you’re back. And possibly better than ever! FFC: But… How? (Susan gestures the FFC towards the G-man) Susan: This man, he saved you. He’s the G-man. (The G-man reaches a hand out to shake the FFC’s hand, and she obliges) G-man: Pleasure to finally meet you! FFC: Likewise. G-man: Hey, what’s that around your waist? (The FFC looks down at the tape recorder and presses the play button. When she does, LJ’s voice is head) Voice of LJ: Congratulations, you have beaten me in combat. But just because you won, doesn’t mean I’m gone forever. Us gods can live forever, you know! Well, FanFic Critic, if you’re hearing this, and I assume you are, I have this parting message for you: We’ll meet again soon! (After the tape ends, the FFC takes it off, and walks to her room. Cut to the FFC’s room where she enters the frame and sits down) FFC: Hello, I’m the FanFic Critic. I read it, you listen, (She smiles) and I’m back! Category:Episode Category:Special